Well before I get too in detail about the dreams, I'll start by telling you about why I am having these dreams.
About a month ago, one of Chris's cousin's (Matt) proposed to his girlfriend of about a month (yes, just a month). Well they originally talked about getting married in October, just a couple of weeks after us. Well, things have changed and they are now getting married in August, just a mere 6 weeks before our big day. Despite how upset I was at this (I still cannot believe that a female would do that to another female), I tried to keep my mouth shut. I don't need Chris's family mad at me or going around saying that I don't want them to be happy or have their special day. That isn't it at all. I just want to have my own special time and I think the months before and after ours should have been left alone. Case in point, another one of Chris's cousins (Shay) got engaged just a week after Matt. Shay's girl originally wanted a fall wedding, but happily agreed with Shay about getting married in the Spring of 2012 so as to not take away from our time.
Yes, I am fully aware at this point that I look childish and selfish. I may be and I am okay with that. Chris and I have been together for 7 1/2 years and have endured a long distance relationship for 6. I am about to graduate law school in less than a month. Truthfully, I feel like this should be our time and the families should respect that.
Ok, so when Matt first got engaged, they had even talked to us about using the same venues we did. Right now, they are saying they don't have a venue picked out yet. Granted, they have picked a wedding date. Some people have theorized that the venue is picked but it is being kept secret. I have shared very little details of the wedding with anyone except my mom, bridal party and really close friends. Shoot, my dad doesn't even know what my dress looks like. But the thought of someone getting married just 6 weeks before us and using the same ideas as us terrifies me beyond belief. Despite the fact that Chris and I have been discussing our wedding for 7 years and actually planning details for 1 year, someone using something first in time relation will make us look like we copied. The biggest details (songs, colors, themes) were discussed and I try not to bug them every time that I think about something major that I don't want copied, but thoughts are racing in my head.
I have been stressing about this so much that it is causing me nightmares. Last night I had a dream that I was sitting in their wedding and as she was walking down the aisle, I realized that we had the same dress. Talk about panic. Then as the dream continued, I couldn't find another dress that I was in love with in 6 weeks. It was terrible. I woke up with a pounding heart and tears streaming down my face. It's days like this that I hate living all by myself because I have no one close when I woke up.
Despite being reassured time and time again by everyone, I cannot stop thinking about it. I try to distract myself with school work and focusing on my own wedding. I have tried shopping, eating, exercising, organizing, cleaning. Nothing seems to work.
Someone please help me otherwise I will be crazy for the next 160 days til our wedding!